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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

See Possibilities Where Others See Obstacles

Even in the strongest relationships, there are reasons for worry. And
even in the most tenuous relationships, there are reasons for hope.
Constant attention to the weaknesses of any relationship will make every
day harder. Constant attention to the strengths of any relationship will
make every day a day of possibilities.
THEIRS IS PERHAPS the ultimate example of love and devotion trumping
religious differences and the associated political differences. Pam is
Jewish, Adil is Muslim, and they have been happily married for more
than a decade.
When they met, Adil was interested in asking Pam out on a date but
worried she might not want to be involved with a Muslim. “I remember
this tension, thinking if I should tell her right away that I am a Muslim,”
he recalls.
“People are so intense,” says Pam. “Everywhere you go, it is ‘Jew,’
‘Arab,’ ‘Arab,’ ‘Jew.’ You can’t just be.” There have been many double
takes, criticisms, and insults. Too many to count.
Determined and in love, the couple have worked to straddle the
distance between Jewish and Muslim cultures, to exist in the open. In
the meantime, symbols and sounds of coexistence permeate their home.
Their dining-room armoire displays a Koran next to a menorah. The
couple celebrates Jewish holidays alongside Muslim ones.
“If there is anything that our relationship might teach our two
worlds, it is compromise,” Adil says. “It’s the magic word.”
An experiment performed with couples who were experiencing confl ict had
half of the couples discuss the best part of their relationship and the other
half discuss the worst aspect of their relationship. Couples discussing the
positive side of their relationship reduced their stress levels by 15 percent,
whereas those discussing the negative side saw their stress levels increase
by 48 percent. (Sullivan 2001)
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